2. Pick a suitable word, nouns work best. The word I chose was liquor. This will form the basis of your chorus. It will also be the title of the song. The last lines of the chorus will be as follows:
It's like [insert word here] It's like [insert word here]
Repeat as many times as you think is necessary for the word to stick in the listener's head, thus encouraging them to remember the name of the song, and buy it on iTunes or whatever the kiddies are doing these days.
3. Find some cliche expressions and puns to do with your chosen word. This should cover the verses. Make sure to throw in some double entendres for sex appeal.
4. Now it's time to write a bridge. You don't need lyrics for this. The easiest way to do this is just some "Oh, oh yeah"s and various other vocalisations.
5. Ladies: take a tasteful artsy topless photo of yourself for the song's promotional purposes.
Gentlemen: take a tasteful artsy topless photo of a female for the song's promotional purposes.
6. Record.
7. ???
8. Profit.
For example:
Liquor Liquor? Please. I hardly even know her The room's still spinning And I dread to think of the hangover
Pour another drink And let's toast the good times
CHORUS: Being with you makes me love-drunk It's like liquor (yeah) Liquor (yeah) It's like liquor (yeah) It's like liquor
I'm sooooooooooo wasted Take me home Let's not waste the night Take photos with our phones
Pour another drink and let's drink to the good times
CHORUS
BRIDGE: Ooooh, yeah, baby you're like liquor Oooh yeah, got me so love drunk Oooh, yeah, baby baby baby You're like...
CHORUS as many damn times as you want to.
Note: what makes this song really work is the use of many cliches that are commonly used in songs about alcohol. This makes the lyrics a nice, safe, mainstream choice.
I'm actually wearing a strapless top in this, the bottles make me look more nude and therefore classier.
You know how Facebook pages always post links to pictures on a site called DamnLol? Well, I was procrastinating on writing the next few blog posts I have planned (including a possible Christmas Special) and was browsing the site when I came across this.
First of all, I've decided to divide this up into multiple posts otherwise I will never finish it. Seriously.
Right, this is definitely going to be an ongoing and updated thing as I spend too much time looking up weird shit. This is my comprehensive list of every fucked up thing I can find on the internet. Some of it may be NSFW. Actually, most of it will probably NSFW. Bonus points if you make it through the whole thing. Suggestions welcome.
The only thing I will thus far refuse to watch is 1 Man 1 Jar. Mostly because I, too, have an anus, and that makes me feel a little uncomfortable. I only know what it is because I have four brothers, and the one who looks the most like a goat used to describe it to me in excruciating detail.
Let's begin...
1. Begotten
If anyone can tell me what this movie is about, please let me know. Fortunately the whole thing is right here for you to watch while high until you make sense of it. I haven't got through all of it yet. By the way, in the opening scene there is self disembowelment.
2. My Immortal.
I know, I know, I've mentioned it on here before. However, this "so good its bad" piece of literary genius is so entertaining it's worth a second mention. Basically, its fanfiction that is so bad it puts Twilight to shame. If you want a basic overview of the plot: Hogwarts, clothes clothes clothes, makeup, random spontaneous sex, all the teachers are rapists, everyone is bi, drugs drugs drugs for no reason, preps can die, goffik. Top spelling as well.
3. This video.
As requested by Dom. Hey, it's even got clips from Begotten in it, too!
4. Willy Bum Bum.
David used to sing this to me over the phone when he first started talking to me nearly two years ago. I, in turn, would hang up on him. William and David both forced me to watch this and I must say, it's probably one of the tamer things on this list.
5. Bloody Pingu Throw
Basically a Flash game involving brutally murdering penguins. The further it is thrown across the Antarctic landscape, the more points you obtain. Even Max was horrified by this game, and Max has shown me some horrific things on the internet. I find it strangely addictive.
6. Mr Hands video
I'm not going to post a link because I don't really want to look this up. You can Google it yourself. Basically it involves bestiality (receptive anal intercourse, if you want me to be specific) with a horse. The man died shortly after- for the details, here's a Cracked article. (See #4.)
7. Blue Waffles.
Click on this link here to see a lovely picture of it. Basically it's a very infected vagina. That's gone blue. Lovely. I specifically looked it up for this blog post as I'd never actually seen it before, and I honestly felt a little disappointed. I think I expected it to be far worse than it is.
8. Salad Fingers series
A lovely cartoon series by the utter(ly mad) genius of David Firth. It's quite well-known, but very disturbing. It's an 8 part series (I think a very recently added episode 9 is available on YouTube) which debuted in 2004, about a very lonely creature named Salad Fingers who enjoys the feel of rust and is probably severely mentally unwell.
9. Spoilsbury Toast Boy
More David Firth loveliness. Makes Salad Fingers look tame in comparison. Also, it's backwards running, so to watch it in the order it is designed to be watched, watch this one first, then this one, then this one. The last one gave me nightmares for a week.
10. Smiledog.jpg I found this on CreepyPasta (what on earth was I even doing there?) about a photo of a lovely dog who drives people to suicide after having seen it. As with all creepypastas, of course, the only way to save yourself is to forward the picture on to everyone you know. Hence, ya know. It's going on my blog. I didn't find the image itself very scary, though it did remind me a little of the music video of Black Hole Sun, which used to give me nightmares when I was little. Here's a link to what I consider the most disturbing smiledog image.
11. Un Chien Andalou
A surrealist art project from 1928. According to Tyler, who sent me the link: "It was a surrealist art project from the late 20s made to be the most shocking film around. It won." I haven't yet watched the whole thing (it's around fifteen minutes long) but I did watch the infamous scene at the start in which an eyeball is sliced open. Here's the link.
12. You're in that weird part of Reddit again, aren't you? And by "that weird part" I mean the most known fucked up subreddits, Spacedicks and Beating Women. Sure, there are weirder things on there, but these two are infamous. While we're at it, in r/beatingwomen I discovered r/ChokeABitch. I promise they're just trollin'...
This list is to be continued in part two, with more of a "messed up porn" focus, largely from contributions from Gareth, who is probably the most perverted boy I know. Coming soon!
I would like to thank Tyler West, Carl Domigan and Dominic Ormsby for their contributions to this post. If you have become traumatised after viewing items on this list, feel free to head to http://www.babyanimalz.com/community/and look at cute baby animals until you feel better. Probably Not Sane takes no responsibility for any mental trauma.
Man, I've got to stop writing sarcastic, bitchy poetry to get me through the day. At least it's mildly entertaining to read. This poem is dedicated to all the crazy-ass ex-girlfriends in the world. Put the knife down, sweetheart.
Well I'll be honest I've heard all about you And he tells me I'm far more attractive than you
Thing is, you're rubbish in bed And messed up in the head And that's why he still will not talk to you
Sad thing is, I used to be like you So naive, I'd believe That there was nothing for me to do The world's a sad place When the world hates your face But at least I wear it much better than you do
No hard feelings, I see you've moved on But I really don't want to get along Your new boyfriend's a prick Bet he's got a small dick And he can't even go at it that long
I promise this isn't even written about anyone specific, I'm too forgetful to be bitter. It just amused me at the time.
What with my ability to speak fluent sarcasm and having recently discovered this site for editing photos, I decided to put off my epic blog post about my recent adventures in Auckland (although that's more because somebody managed to lose my camera when he was stupidly drunk and there's no point until I at least have photos) and just get creative instead.
Unfortunately, due to MS Paint throwing a temper tantrum every time I try to insert text into my pictures, that's all for now folks. Sorry this has been such a non-post. My camera should be here in a few days.
