A Quick Adoption Update

   So I've recently had the best week in Dunedin.

Even though I was ill most of the time.

   Anyway, seeing as whenever I get serious on this blog, I'm talking about adoption, I thought I'd update you on some cool things that have happened as far as having more contact with my birthfamily goes.

   I've made progress.

   My birthmother and I are now on talking terms- I went to see my little brother and her and I just started hanging out and talking. It was fantastic. It makes me really grateful for the fact that I'm able to have contact with my birthfamily because even if it took time, things are starting to get better. I think that's definitely the lesson to take away from what I've learnt with having contact with my birthfamily, especially now most of them are taking more of an interest in my life. It hasn't always been this way, but persistence has helped. Don't give up, yo. Anything's possible.

   Also ended up hanging out with my birthfather and my little brother Kaleb on the same day that I saw my mother. I'd felt a little guilty for not having spent as much time with Kaleb as I had with my other brothers but we made up for lost time and did some finger painting together and he got me to help him paint his face.

Not quite sure what the look he was going for here was.

   And finally, one evening while hanging out in the gardens with Scott and waiting for a friend, we met some people who knew William. This isn't surprising because its Dunedin and as it turns out everyone knows my brother, but these people knew him enthusiastically. One of them used to be his flatmate, who I remember meeting briefly. He gave me skittles to cheer me up because I'd been dumped that morning. His friend was far far more excited about meeting Will's sister though because she thought he was amazing and by extension, I am amazing too and we were super best friends.

Super duper best friends

   Though he's not a role model in many regards, I can't ever hope to be as sociable or respected as William, it was pretty cool hearing people go on (and on) about how he is amazing and has done so much for them. Also I like skittles.

   Anyway, gaining more of a family has been fantastic and I'm in a pretty good mood as a result.

   Y'all should give your mums a hug from Bellez.

Positive Lists

   When I was thirteen, I hated the school I went to, so my parents decided to send me to boarding school. It turns out I didn't like that much either.Within about five minutes of my parents leaving me at the hostel there, I'd already started scoping out some escape routes even though I was in an unfamiliar town where I knew nobody. I was a damn determined schoolgirl and no one was going to keep me hostage in a hostel!

   Except I never had the guts to run away that night.

   Anyway, to put me in a better state of mind and to distract me from my constant plotting of escape plans, one of the matrons at the hostel suggested I make a list of all the positive things in my life. Back then, they were a bit boring. Here's an example:

1. When we have banoffee pie for dessert.
   To be fair, I had a friend there who was allergic to bananas, so I'd always get her share.

27. Making positive lists.
   I was clearly running out of ideas by this stage.

28. Running away.
   This kind of defeated the purpose.


   Six years later, I thought it was an appropriate time to write an updated version.

1. Banoffee pie, still. It is delicious.

2. The Adam Lambert song, "Sleepwalker." Firstly because he's more fabulous than you'll ever be. Secondly because I love singing the chorus very loudly and changing the lyrics somewhat.

And he's still more fabulous than you.

3. Moustaches.

4. Bitching about ugly dresses!

5. Bitching in general. I'm a terrible person.

6. MS Paint pictures. (I know, I know, it's been a while.) Here's a hipster girl who had her hands amputated.

Hands are hard to draw, plus it cut off a bit at her legs. Let's say she has a boyfriend with an amputation fetish.

7. Browsing Reddit in my underwear, because it's basically internet crack.

8. Having sufficient heating to allow me to browse Reddit in my underwear despite the fact that I live in the south island and it is winter. I WILL SURVIVE.

9. SO MANY RATS!

10. Cheese

11. This baby sugar glider.

12. Fairylights

They are in this photo (at the top.) Also my new purchases mean my rat boys are no longer allowed on my bed, so they do not see this as a positive at all.

13. Mr Bearington and the Xtreme Coffee and Travel Mug set

14. The use of Xtreme to describe anything even though its not the nineties anymore and we don't need mountain bikes and surfboards and sunglasses to make us want to buy soft drinks.

15. I once had an "xtreme bible" which was in fluorescent colours to appeal to the youth. It looked pretty on my bookshelf.

16. Whiskey.

17. Getting new warm socks. I did a shopping trip recently, and socks and fairylights were the things I was most excited about getting. My tootsies are so warm and cozy during this southern winter, I'm stoked!

 18. The fact that Scott and his sister and I have recorded part one of our dramatic reading of My Immortal. Just waiting for it to be sent to me and I am yet to figure out how to put it on here but it will happen!


   I think eighteen items makes a pretty legit positive list. Good job Bellez, you have every reason to be happy.

A Thought I Had at Two in the Morning

   You know how people advise you not to look at yourself in the mirror when you're on hallucinogens as it may freak you out? I feel the same way about my pets. Seriously. I think if I were ever to do that, I couldn't look at my rats.

   Why? Well, occasionally when I'm watching them play, one of them will look me in the eye, and for a split second, I feel as if I'm looking into the soul of another human being. I know it's bizarre and it makes no sense whatsoever. That's cool. But then I start thinking. What if my rats were able to comprehend things like a person? What would they think of the silly names I call them, or that I lock them in a cage every night? Would they be humiliated about the time I made them dance to Lady Gaga? Sure, they're loved and well cared for and I play with them and feed them and make sure they have water and clean their cage almost daily even though that is my least favourite activity. But I still wonder if my pets love me as much as I love them.

   They didn't seem to enjoy Lady Gaga as much as they seemed to like The Prodigy and Nirvana. I wonder if they can tell the music, even individual songs, apart or if it all just sounds the same to them and they classify it all as "loud, human related noise."

   I'd never tell them that they enjoyed Deadmau5 though. I reckon that would be the biggest shock of their little lives. Well, that and the day that I tell them they're adopted.

Look at their little faces! How could I drop a bombshell like that on them? Yes, I'm aware that makes me a hypocrite. So what?

   I'm sorry this got so mum-blog on you. "LOOK AT MY KIDS. AREN'T THEY SO SPECIAL AND BEAUTIFUL! BEING A MUM IS SO HARD BUT IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB IN THE WORLD!!!!!!111"

   I promise I will never have human children of my own. Or if I do, I won't subject them to this. It's ok. The rats can't read.