Inspirational Quotes (questionable use of the word "inspirational")

"Girls are like cellphones, they have to be handled carefully. Press the wrong button and you'll be disconnected. Guys are like buses- if you miss one, you can just catch the next one. Guys are like buses. I hope one hits you."
(lovingly inspired by this.)


"Love hurts. I knew I should have bought more lube." 
-Anonymous
(that quote alone is why I chose not to illustrate this post.)


"Sleep is for the weak. Actually, disregard what I just said. That's not really a general thing, it's more for specific cases. Fuck, just go take a nap or something, you'll feel better."
-My brother, after I quoted him last night.


"Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree."
-Some self-important foreveralone girl. 


I don't think I've ever read a quote that makes my eyes bleed as much as that one. Oh, wait, yes I have!


For your *ahem* enjoyment:


 "I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot."

Source.