Adventures of a Single Girl

   Yeah so, in the last post I wrote about how excited I was for Valentines Day and then there were lots of pretty pictures of Scott and I and the cupcakes he made me and... well it's been a couple of months since and we just broke up. Even cupcakes can't save your relationship is the lesson to take away from that folks. But seriously. It was a mutual decision and it ended amicably. By amicably, I mean actually amicably, the sort of break up where you txt each other every few days to see how the other is coping and still have nice conversations where you gossip about the Dunedin music scene, as opposed to "amicably" which is when you tell all your friends that you aren't cut up about it in the slightest yet you still marinate yourself in rum and cheap wine and Facebook stalk him while sobbing to yourself and sending him angry messages about how he was so selfish to leave you.

   No. This genuinely ended amicably. And he doesn't see a huge future for himself in the Dunedin music scene, just so you know. Which is fair enough, the music industry here is a bit of a joke if you actually want to be successful.

   Anyway, I decided it was time to get back into blogging now I have something to write about and document my experiences of being single. Why? Well first of all, I intend to stay single for a while. I started dating Scott not long after getting out of another relationship, so it's been a while since I've done this. (I don't know what I'm doing.) Also because, let's be honest, what else am I doing with my life right now?

Certainly not this. At all. Especially not at three in the morning.

   Anyway, expect updates on this.

Valentine's Day Special 2013

   For the third year in a row (has Probably Not Sane really been around that long?) I bring you top-quality writing on what is actually one of my favourite holidays.

I get that it's not everyone's favourite holiday. Even now, half my facebook newfeed is ranting about how Valentine's Day is stupid and should totally not happen and how it's all about commercialism and that they will be spending the day with a bottle of vodka instead. Well guess what. I've been in a relationship for the past two Valentine's Days and I'm in a relationship this year too. And it's great. So I get to be all smug about things. Even better, this year I actually get to spend the day with my boyfriend, so I get to be doubly smug. Cheers Intercity for your lovely affordable bus fares.

With the amount of times I've travelled between Queenstown and Dunedin over the past couple of years, I'm probably their most loyal customer.

   Current boyfriend and I were discussing what we would like to do for Valentine's day this year but most of our ideas were pretty impractical. We originally thought camping would be cute, but then wondered where we would go/how we would get there (neither of us drives) and that what if the lovely unpredictable south island weather goes bad? (It probably will.) As we ran out of feasible ideas, we decided it totally wasn't unromantic to google for suggestions.

   It didn't work out to be the best idea.

   What I learnt from this is that there is a ton of rubbish advice out there on Valentine's day ideas. Or maybe just advice that didn't suit our relationship of being two cynical, poor, strange people, who both happen to live with their families at the moment. (So we can forget suggestions to have sex in every room in the house, because somehow I don't see either of our families appreciating that.)

   It's time to do what Bellez does best. Make fun of these ideas.

   So the first article we can pull apart is this lovely one from Esquire, mainly because it was the first result for “cheap valentine's date ideas” and also because there are some ridiculous suggestions. For example,this suggestion involves playing video games with your (pregnant)date. I'm sure Cosmo has an extension on the idea: every time someone loses, they remove an article of clothing.

Why this is a bad idea for us:

Scott's much, much better at video games than me, so it would just end with me naked, watching him play. Also I did mention he lives with his family.

   The next suggestion involves what to do with your mistress. Esquire suggests a lunch date, because you should save a dinner date for someone you truly love, despite the fact that earlier in the day, you were donging someone else. Charming.

Why this is a bad idea for us:

Because, unless you're in some form of open relationship, this is probably a bad idea for all couples. I don't know if I would really want to take relationship advice from somewhere that tries to help me sneakily sleep with two people on Valentine's day. Or any day.

   At this point, I decided it was time to research ideas in other places. Because I was being a bit lazy about it I decided to see what good ol' Cosmo had to say about that- no longer for legitimate ideas, but purely for entertainment purposes. Unfortunately, all they had was "30 Things to Do With A Naked Man" (spoiler alert:  "have sex with him" "have sex with him" and "have sex with him" probably featured on the list somewhere.)

   Surely there was more sincere advice somewhere, but if it was, I was struggling to find it. I was not keen on cutting out a hundred paper hearts and writing something I love about him on each one and scattering them about the place for him to find.

By the time I get to heart #58, I'm sure this is what it will say.

   Besides, who wants to clean up a hundred paper hearts, or be the unfortunate person to find heart #27? ("I like our sex life.") 

   "Relive your first date." I'm not sure if this counted as our first date, but I was less than keen to relive drinking goon in the gardens and watching him vomit.

   Anyway, my bus to Dunedin is booked, and out of ideas or not, I'm still going to see my boyfriend. If this post was going to have a cheesy moral, it would be that of all the things you can do with someone you love this Valentine's Day, the best thing you can do is to simply spend time with them.

   And maybe have sex with them. Cheers Cosmo!

Update: He made me cupcakes, (his mum helped, but ssh) and I made him eclaires and his sister cooked a romantic dinner for us. Also I got all pretty for our date so you know there's going to be photos...

Updates again!

   Been a while, huh? Don't I know it. I've been busy etc etc. With, you know. Not really having a life. Traipsing to Dunedin and Auckland and back and trying to find a job and (still with little success, what with me having the time to write this and all) and trying to see if I could actually make money from my art so I don't need a real job (also not going so well either) and wasting time on Reddit and all that.

I could be making dinner for myself right now but with the available food I have sitting here, it's going to be cheese on toast again and I don't even like toast, so perhaps a little catch up on here might be more productive.

   So what have I been up to other than discovering a possible vitamin deficiency caused by too much cheese and not enough else?

I've got a job. Kind of. Well, I've taken on a role as editor at the soon-to-be-relaunched Leaky Biro magazine. We've had a bit of a revamp, and although Thomas Stevenson (Dekarnuva) is still with us, we're joined by two new writers, Seth Tetley-Jones and Gareth McMullen, who you may remember contributed this lovely piece to my blog, about disturbing pornography. We're hoping to have our first new issue ready around March sometime, which means blogging on here will, as usual, probably take a back seat.

But you should definitely read The Biro (available digitally, or a print copy if you prefer) if for no other reason than at the very least, I can promise you it will look pretty. (I'm doing the cover at the moment. It looks wonderful.) The writing should be pretty top-notch too.

   Now I've got that shameless plug out of the way, let's talk about some things that will be on this blog.

• Remember the Valentine's day specials from 2011 and 2012, where I felt so excited I actually provided you with a second Valentine's day post? Well, I'm sure I can whip up another something for 2013, because y'all know you can get your romance advice from me. Will it be on Valentine's day? Heavens, no. I'm going to be in Dunedin having way more fun.

• Seeing as my drawing skills are improving, expect to see a lot more of my art (and not just the MS Paint stuff) on here.

• One day I will record my dramatic reading of My Immortal. Probably not ever though.

   Also, for those of you who remember my craving for Mr Whippy Icecream, not only is he back in Fernhill but he was also at the Fernhill Family Fun Day where I got an icecream purely for nostalgia purposes. And yes, with all the toppings. It was satisfying to do so, at last, for all of about a minute. Then I just started to feel sick from too much sugar. But it was still worth it.

Things My Mother has Said Today Which Make me Wonder if She is Ok

   I love my mother dearly. She is intelligent and witty and really nice (if she likes you.) But sometimes she has days where she says the strangest things. Today, for example.


1. "No, there is East Germany and West Germany, they are two separate countries.

Germany has been a single country for over twenty years.

2. "So what is the difference between LSD and meth, anyway?

on a similar note:

"I don't think I've ever met anyone who has tried cannabis."

You lived in Queenstown during the seventies. You probably have.

3. "So America has Republicans and Democrats, and one is right wing and one is left wing, right?"

Yes! She gets it!

"And Obama is right wing, so he must be a Democrat."

So close.

4. "The hippies never had much of a drug culture. They were too busy having free love to have time to try drugs."

This is the closest to an accurate statement she has made today. That and "I saved you some pizza because I thought you would be hungry."

5. "I don't think there's ever any reason for anyone to get divorced. Oh god, you're father's put the dishes away wrongly again, I swear one of these days I'll get a divorce..."

Abuse, cheating... and putting away the dishes incorrectly. I'll keep it mind for future relationships.

6. "Are you addicted to P?" (Ice, crystal meth, whatever you prefer to call it.)

The strongest stimulant I have ever tried is caffeine. So no, not a raging P addict. Sorry mum.

7. "What are you addicted to?"

Ok mum, I'm sorry. I should have told you this before. I'm totally addicted to cheese. And maybe Reddit.


   Hopefully she will be better after a nap.

(For all those concerned, I'm not sure where this addiction obsession has originated. Maybe she heard something about addictive personalities on the radio. Maybe she read an article in the Listener. Who knows. She went through this phase a few years ago where she was convinced I had coeliacs disease, and that was less than pleasant.)

A Quick Adoption Update

   So I've recently had the best week in Dunedin.

Even though I was ill most of the time.

   Anyway, seeing as whenever I get serious on this blog, I'm talking about adoption, I thought I'd update you on some cool things that have happened as far as having more contact with my birthfamily goes.

   I've made progress.

   My birthmother and I are now on talking terms- I went to see my little brother and her and I just started hanging out and talking. It was fantastic. It makes me really grateful for the fact that I'm able to have contact with my birthfamily because even if it took time, things are starting to get better. I think that's definitely the lesson to take away from what I've learnt with having contact with my birthfamily, especially now most of them are taking more of an interest in my life. It hasn't always been this way, but persistence has helped. Don't give up, yo. Anything's possible.

   Also ended up hanging out with my birthfather and my little brother Kaleb on the same day that I saw my mother. I'd felt a little guilty for not having spent as much time with Kaleb as I had with my other brothers but we made up for lost time and did some finger painting together and he got me to help him paint his face.

Not quite sure what the look he was going for here was.

   And finally, one evening while hanging out in the gardens with Scott and waiting for a friend, we met some people who knew William. This isn't surprising because its Dunedin and as it turns out everyone knows my brother, but these people knew him enthusiastically. One of them used to be his flatmate, who I remember meeting briefly. He gave me skittles to cheer me up because I'd been dumped that morning. His friend was far far more excited about meeting Will's sister though because she thought he was amazing and by extension, I am amazing too and we were super best friends.

Super duper best friends

   Though he's not a role model in many regards, I can't ever hope to be as sociable or respected as William, it was pretty cool hearing people go on (and on) about how he is amazing and has done so much for them. Also I like skittles.

   Anyway, gaining more of a family has been fantastic and I'm in a pretty good mood as a result.

   Y'all should give your mums a hug from Bellez.

Positive Lists

   When I was thirteen, I hated the school I went to, so my parents decided to send me to boarding school. It turns out I didn't like that much either.Within about five minutes of my parents leaving me at the hostel there, I'd already started scoping out some escape routes even though I was in an unfamiliar town where I knew nobody. I was a damn determined schoolgirl and no one was going to keep me hostage in a hostel!

   Except I never had the guts to run away that night.

   Anyway, to put me in a better state of mind and to distract me from my constant plotting of escape plans, one of the matrons at the hostel suggested I make a list of all the positive things in my life. Back then, they were a bit boring. Here's an example:

1. When we have banoffee pie for dessert.
   To be fair, I had a friend there who was allergic to bananas, so I'd always get her share.

27. Making positive lists.
   I was clearly running out of ideas by this stage.

28. Running away.
   This kind of defeated the purpose.


   Six years later, I thought it was an appropriate time to write an updated version.

1. Banoffee pie, still. It is delicious.

2. The Adam Lambert song, "Sleepwalker." Firstly because he's more fabulous than you'll ever be. Secondly because I love singing the chorus very loudly and changing the lyrics somewhat.

And he's still more fabulous than you.

3. Moustaches.

4. Bitching about ugly dresses!

5. Bitching in general. I'm a terrible person.

6. MS Paint pictures. (I know, I know, it's been a while.) Here's a hipster girl who had her hands amputated.

Hands are hard to draw, plus it cut off a bit at her legs. Let's say she has a boyfriend with an amputation fetish.

7. Browsing Reddit in my underwear, because it's basically internet crack.

8. Having sufficient heating to allow me to browse Reddit in my underwear despite the fact that I live in the south island and it is winter. I WILL SURVIVE.

9. SO MANY RATS!

10. Cheese

11. This baby sugar glider.

12. Fairylights

They are in this photo (at the top.) Also my new purchases mean my rat boys are no longer allowed on my bed, so they do not see this as a positive at all.

13. Mr Bearington and the Xtreme Coffee and Travel Mug set

14. The use of Xtreme to describe anything even though its not the nineties anymore and we don't need mountain bikes and surfboards and sunglasses to make us want to buy soft drinks.

15. I once had an "xtreme bible" which was in fluorescent colours to appeal to the youth. It looked pretty on my bookshelf.

16. Whiskey.

17. Getting new warm socks. I did a shopping trip recently, and socks and fairylights were the things I was most excited about getting. My tootsies are so warm and cozy during this southern winter, I'm stoked!

 18. The fact that Scott and his sister and I have recorded part one of our dramatic reading of My Immortal. Just waiting for it to be sent to me and I am yet to figure out how to put it on here but it will happen!


   I think eighteen items makes a pretty legit positive list. Good job Bellez, you have every reason to be happy.

A Thought I Had at Two in the Morning

   You know how people advise you not to look at yourself in the mirror when you're on hallucinogens as it may freak you out? I feel the same way about my pets. Seriously. I think if I were ever to do that, I couldn't look at my rats.

   Why? Well, occasionally when I'm watching them play, one of them will look me in the eye, and for a split second, I feel as if I'm looking into the soul of another human being. I know it's bizarre and it makes no sense whatsoever. That's cool. But then I start thinking. What if my rats were able to comprehend things like a person? What would they think of the silly names I call them, or that I lock them in a cage every night? Would they be humiliated about the time I made them dance to Lady Gaga? Sure, they're loved and well cared for and I play with them and feed them and make sure they have water and clean their cage almost daily even though that is my least favourite activity. But I still wonder if my pets love me as much as I love them.

   They didn't seem to enjoy Lady Gaga as much as they seemed to like The Prodigy and Nirvana. I wonder if they can tell the music, even individual songs, apart or if it all just sounds the same to them and they classify it all as "loud, human related noise."

   I'd never tell them that they enjoyed Deadmau5 though. I reckon that would be the biggest shock of their little lives. Well, that and the day that I tell them they're adopted.

Look at their little faces! How could I drop a bombshell like that on them? Yes, I'm aware that makes me a hypocrite. So what?

   I'm sorry this got so mum-blog on you. "LOOK AT MY KIDS. AREN'T THEY SO SPECIAL AND BEAUTIFUL! BEING A MUM IS SO HARD BUT IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB IN THE WORLD!!!!!!111"

   I promise I will never have human children of my own. Or if I do, I won't subject them to this. It's ok. The rats can't read.