Mother's Day Special

   Look, I don't generally do mother's day. Longtime readers of my blog will know this is because I'm adopted and well. It's awkward. I appreciate the people who have brought me up, but I don't feel comfortable calling them "parents" as such. I don't really know what to call them. Someone suggested "caregivers" but, as my lovely adoptive mother said, "I don't give and I don't care."

   I love her. Really.

   For that reason, I thought I'd do a lovely mother's day post about her.

Here she is! And me,  of course.

   I also thought I'd share a lovely story about her from the other day.

   We have had a problem lately with the plug for the kitchen sink. You know that little metal ring at the top that assists in the removal of the plug? Well, it had snapped clean off, and every time one of us went to wash the dishes, It would take about half an hour of persistence and swearing to get the plug back out again.

   Time for a shopping trip at Mitre 10.

   Now, as a pensioner, Liz has a gold card, which allows her to get free bus rides between 9am and 3pm. This is very convenient as it requires two buses to get to where Mitre 10 is, and being Queenstown, none of these come cheap. This becomes a crucial fact later on.

   She had purchased a plug which she assumed would fit the sink, however, she wanted to get back home, test it to make sure it would fit, then leave enough time to bus back to Mitre 10 should a replacement be required, all before 3pm so she wouldn't have to pay for the bus, because if I were to describe her in a single word, I would choose "economical." Being economical, she had also decided to do some grocery shopping while she was there because the supermarket near Mitre 10 had cheaper prices than the one closer to where we live.

   This was how my adoptive mother ended up in the carpark with a shopping trolley she was about to return when she saw the bus coming. Realising that she had to catch this bus in order to make it home in time, she ran towards it, taking the shopping trolley with her. I cannot tell you why she still had the trolley or what she planned to do with it once she reached the bus, but I can tell you that she would rather die than be one of those people that do not return the trolley to its allocated area of the carpark. Perhaps she would have tried to hold the bus while she went to return it. I do not know.

   Her rather hastily thought out plan involved taking one of those wheelchair ramps (as opposed to the stairs, as she still has this massive shopping trolley with her at this stage) towards the bus stop. Sprinting. Anyway, she was there. She had made it, just as the bus arrived. Or would have, had she not tripped on the curb.

   I don't know how much the average shopping trolley weighs, but it all fell down on top of her.

   One would suspect this situation was bad enough. There would be the pain, the humiliation, and still the possibility of missing the bus. But she had not suffered enough yet, it seemed, because she discovered that she was in fact trapped underneath the upturned trolley, and required assistance to get out.

   My readers, you will be relieved to know that after this, she made it home safely to test the plug.

   It appeared to fit correctly, but upon testing in a sink full of water, we found a leak, so it may yet require a second trip to Mitre 10. No trolleys this time though. Poor woman.

Putting the "troll" in "shopping trolley."

RIP Mark

RIP Mark Buckley

24/10/95 - 08/05/12

   I met Mark through some mutual friends in Dunedin- he went to the same high school as my little brothers, was in the same year as many of my friends. Although not universally liked, he was definitely well known, and the news of his death affected everyone that knew him.

   In fact, I'm nothing but impressed by the sincerity and maturity shown by his classmates and friends.

"I'm sorry for the shit I gave him. He wasn't that bad of a guy, we just didn't see things the same way at times. But he will be missed." said Jordan Stocks, who went to school with Buckley.

"It's a tragedy, he may not have been the most liked guy around, but it's still an awful thing, there should still be a level of respect that people have to abide by, not laugh and joke about it as if it's nothing. He was still a person, it's still a human life, and he will be missed by his family and friends. He was still a student of OBHS, [Otago Boys High School] some people need to step up," said Joe Dickinson, another fellow student.


   Mark was killed in a car crash last night. Although I will not go into the full details here, this article is available.

   I offer my condolences to his friends and family. RIP Mark, you will be missed.

   To share your own messages of support, please leave a post at RIP Mark Buckley.

I'm back!

   It's been a long time, hasn't it?

   I was thinking, briefly, of ending this blog on a high note. Leave it at a hundred posts, quit writing forever. It was becoming quite a chore at times and I wasn't doing it because I enjoyed it, but rather because getting it done makes me feel less of a lazy slob. But then I realised that the most recent thing I'd written was a song requested by my brother's friend (about threesomes, no less) and it was dreadful. I didn't want that to be my writing legacy. That's just embarrassing. I mean, I've been working on what could be a novel, but even that was feeling tedious lately.

   Everything was a chore.

   Oh, and then Scott got me a couple of pet rats and parenthood is time consuming.

Meet my babies, Carl Sagan and Kurt Cobain. Your children will never be as cute as mine.

   Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I'm still alive, even if I spent last night watching Lion King over and over while cuddling with my rats and sobbing. I'm fine, its just that it will always be sad when Mufasa dies.

   Anyway, to compensate for this, here's a clip from Walk On The Wild Side.

   Bellez loves you. Quality content to come soon!

Post 100!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Just some cool stuff in the internet that I've enjoyed lately

   I'm writing this now (1:25pm, 22nd February) because there's some stuff I want to contribute, but you know I'll probably put off posting it until post #100 is done. Because, as you may have guessed from post #97, I'm damn excited about post #100. And cool stuff is still happening on the internet, (as ever) so I just thought I'd share a few things with you.

   First of all, this post on parody website Christwire (essentially a Christian version of the satire news site, The Onion) about Skrillex, describing him as both a "homosexual satan wasp" and a "Gothic icon and lesbian fashionista." In a recent letter to Dom, who first brought this to my attention, I attempted to make an illustration to sum up the entire "article". As the writing in the original version is too small for it to show up clearly on this blog, I have attempted to recreate this for you in MS Paint.

I'd like to think my wasp drawing skills have improved since this monstrosity.

   You know why I love this so much? Because Skrillex is my guilty pleasure. Say what you want about his music, or whether or not you think it even qualifies as music. I could not give a damn. He's pocket sized, he's enthusiastic, and he's even partied with my brother, which makes him pretty top in my opinion. Also, this:

OTHER COOL SHIT:

Spank the Monkey. I'm not very mature. Yes, I know it's old. Who cares. For those who haven't discovered this wildly inappropriately named game, it's a flash game hosted on albinoblacksheep.com.

As for what I've been up to on Reddit... other than discovering the aforementioned Skrillex post, I've also come across this little subreddit yesterday: r/toosoon. A bit tasteless for some, but have a look anyway if you're interested.

Over the past day or so I've also been rereading some old Hyperbole and a Half posts. I talk about this blog a lot on here, so I'll just link to one of my favourite old, underrated posts.

Also, while I was on Ablino Black Sheep earlier playing Spank the Monkey, I rewatched this Cyanide and Happiness short. Be sure to watch after the credits, there's a nice little surprise.

SMALL UPDATE: Fuck it, I'm posting this anyway. I spent so long drawing that picture of the homosexual satan wasp in MS Paint that I decided I wanted to show off about it.

Updates, plus upcoming: Post #100!

   Holy wow, readers. I've just realised that we're almost at an important milestone in the life of Probably Not Sane. This is post #97. That means we're almost at post #100. And I feel I ought to do something special. But I'm not quite sure what. I originally thought of linking to all the more quality posts I've created in the last year and a half, but then I figured, that's shit. Why would I do that to you guys? That's not even new content or anything. I needed some better ideas.

   I then outsourced idea-production to my friends, because I was all but ready to give up. This is an appropriate time for some Facebook self promotion.

   Yes, there is a page on Facebook for Probably Not Sane that you can like, if you so desire. 19 people have liked it already. Here's the link.

   If you prefer your Probably Not Sane on Facebook experiences to be more interactive, I also have a group, Fans of Probably Not Sane. It's a public group, so if you want to contribute, all you have to do is request to join, and I promise I'll let you, unless you are actively stalking me and planning to murder me. Even then I will probably accept you anyway.

   The reason I am bringing this up is because I want the readers to have a say in what I do for such momentous occasions for this. Thus far I have had the following suggestions:

• An audio recording of a dramatic reading of My Immortal. (I'm already planning to do this, but would prefer to do it with friends, notably Scott and Dom, to have a greater variety of voices for the different "characters." Rest assured this will most likely happen, but not by post #100. Seriously, that fanfic is nearly fifty chapters long.)
• A guest post. I briefly considered this, possibly getting Dom onboard, because I think he's probably a better writer than I am. I've since changed my mind on the idea of a guest post for this, but I still would like a contribution. Also, remember last guest post, when Gareth wrote about weird porn? Yeah, I'm a little cautious about doing that again. He didn't even provide any links, and I wasn't too keen to go hunting for them myself.
• Something awesome. Well, that's kinda the point, but thanks. :)

   Also, as you may have noticed from the Facebook pages, Probably Not Sane has a new temporary logo, consisting mostly of some of my favourite pictures I've had on this blog. I'd like to incorporate it somewhere on this page, but the background is already a mess and I want to change that first. I have a lot of improvements I want to make to this blog, so hopefully you should see all that change soon. Also, the logo was done in a rush. I might make an improved version. I probably should, I mean look at this.

I feel like I used to do a better job with MS Paint :/

   Anyway, I've got just a few more pieces of news for you.

1. I've got a big trip coming up. I'm going to Dunedin in the next week or so because my brother's down from Auckland and I really want to see him again. After that I'm heading to Christchurch, then Nelson for a cousin's wedding, then back down south via the west coast. Hopefully some adventures will happen so I'll have more material for my blog.

2. I think I promised a possible ongoing fiction series to be added to here. I'll admit, I'm kinda working on that, but the main story I'm writing at the moment is vaguely based on William's life, and I won't even let him read it yet, and I happen to know he stalks my blog. (Hey William, nice to see you again, and oh, I'm baking you some brownies right now. Hopefully this time I get them to you before my mum gets into them again. Love you.) Also, by based on William's life, I mean very, very loosely based. I don't want people to read it and get all offended or anything. I've mostly just made shit up. So yeah, I'm going to need to start on a new story if I am to upload it to here. But what do you guys think about the possibility of an ongoing fiction series?

   Anyway, I'm sorry this was more informative than entertaining, but if you'll excuse me, I'm going to record part one of my dramatic reading of My Immortal.


   Leave a comment or contact me through the pages listed above if you have any feedback/criticism/ideas. I really want to make this awesome for you all. Thanks to everyone who's stuck by me for the past 97 posts. I'm so grateful.

Bellez gets all fashion blog on you

   So I'm not going to pretend I'm the most fashion conscious person on blogger. I mean, hey, you remember this, right? Though to be honest, I got all self conscious before my Skype date with Dom and got all pretty instead. I almost feel like I've betrayed my readers. At least he was happy.

If it makes you feel any better, I still was wearing my leopard pants.

   However, there are a few trends that I honestly don't understand. One of these used to be drop-crotch pants. Seriously, no one wants to look like they're sagging in the crotch region, or wearing a diaper. Or whatever. And then what happened? This happened.

Note the crotch around my knees.

   I got a pair of leopard print drop crotch pants and now feel the need to defend myself.

   First of all, I have not yet worn these in public, but mostly in the privacy of my own home. Secondly, they are comfortable. I'll be honest, in that photo, they look like pyjamas, and I have used them as such. In reality, they're more fitted around the waist, making my hips look large, but my waist comparatively tiny. Which is good. Thirdly, they are made from a soft, flowy fabric. I still have a hate for fitted drop crotch pants made from denim. All the unflattering implications of a drop crotch, none of the comfort.

   So I have chosen to focus on other trends I dislike, with the help of the wonderful website, Polyvore.

   First of all, I want to talk about mullets. Not the awful hairstyles, though I have noticed some people getting this haircut "ironically." (In that case, I'm going to ironically sit around in my pyjamas and eat cake all day, because that's also unattractive. Right?) No, I'm talking about the mullet hemline, or, as the shops selling you this gaff would prefer to call it, asymmetrical hemline. Here's an example I made of the best and worst of mullet hemlines.

   In the interests of keeping an open mind, some of these examples are almost wearable. I think the red one in the top row would look pretty cool if you were dancing, and the rest are flowy enough that they almost (almost) look pretty in a floaty, dreamy sort of way. But then I remember that I live in the south island and the sort of skirts that are floaty and dreamy can only be worn for approximately two weeks of the year in which the weather is warm enough. Call me biased. The three dresses in the middle row are all unflattering shapes to begin with before they got mulleted. Look at that grey thing. It's a glorified hessian sack. In grey. The dress at the end isn't strictly a mullet dress, but the hemline isn't symmetrical so there is that. I guess all I can say about mullet hemlines is that I'm probably just envious of people living in a warmer climate.

   And no, Auckland does not count as "warmer."

   Now, let's talk hair. Hair is the bane of my life. I have a lot of it. It's thick, it's long, and it's coarse, so it tangles easily. Thank god for conditioner and hair straightners. It's also made me paranoid about my hair always looking messy. For a long time, I tolerated the trend of the messy bun. Mostly because that's all my hair would ever be should I try to put it in a bun. But not the trend has moved on to ballet top knots and big ass buns and it must be stopped now. You know who suit ballerina top knots? BALLERINAS. If you are not a ballerina, please stop. It's doing your face little favours. Again, an example.

You don't have to do this to yourself!

   There are so many wonderful hair trends right now! We don't have to resort to the top knot! Heck, we don't even have to resort to the messy bun if you don't want to. Look at this beautiful example of better things you can do with your hair.

No top knots. Please. This is simple. Beautiful. Effortless looking, even if its a little less effortless to do, mostly because I am not gifted with a talent for using bobby pins and hair spray correctly.

Well this was my simplified attempt at the stylish hair the redhead above has. I told you I'm not gifted. AT LEAST IT'S NOT A TOP KNOT.

    Even a hat. A headband. Anything but the dreaded topknot.


   Finally, to end on a positive note, a fashion trend that I love in this horribly cold part of the world. After all, I still intend to move to Dunedin, where the rain is horizontal. SWEATERS! I'm not talking about the flimsy, super thin, knitted, trendy pieces of garbage you'll find at your local Dotti or Jay Jays here. I've got t shirts more substantial than those. That's all very well for people in warmer climates wanting to do a layered look without sweating to death. There's no fear of sweating to death in Dunedin in the winter. Layering is essential to prevent death-by-hypothermia. I'm talking grandma-knitted-it style, thick, warm sweaters. Like this.

   Add some long johns, thick pants, gumboots, hat, scarf, gloves, mega thick trench coat and a sturdy umbrella and I could almost survive a Dunedin winter. Indoors.